Holding On
by AleTheHOUSEwife
Summary: COMPLETE! My take on how season 7 should have ended. Cliffhanger-y enough to make us wonder about Cuddy. Dreams. Lots of. And then the truth.


**Holding On**

–

"Get out."

"House, what the hell...?"

"Get out, Wilson."

House closed his eyes right before the impact.

– –

"House."

Crumbled walls. Her astonished stare. The silence all around. He held out the hairbrush.

"House..."

Cuddy's eyes.

"_House_!"

She was standing there. And. That was not her dining room, or what remained of it after he had wreaked havoc. It was his bathroom. His damn, blood-covered bathroom.

She turned to her daughter.

"Sweetie, go wait for mommy by the couch, okay?"

She took a step forward, as if she wasn't ready to see it _all_.

"I tried calling everyone else... You were the last one on the list."

"Any reason why 911 wasn't on the list?"

"It's not an emergency. "

"Right. Are you suicidal?"

"I'm not attempting bypass surgery. The tumors are small..."

House had to stop. He was covered in blood and sweat and he was shaking so bad he couldn't even put the entire sentence together. Cuddy kneeled beside the tub and had a look.

_Oh my god._

"We need to get you to the hospital."

"No."  
>"Are you out of your mind?"<p>

Cuddy started pacing the bathroom, looking around.

"I'm gonna... I have to stitch you up, or you'll bleed out before we get to my car."

She went to the sink and started washing her hands and grabbed a pair of surgical gloves from a plastic box.

House tilted his head back to the tiled wall, his face distorted in a suffering expression. He couldn't manage to hold in the moan which slipped from his lips.

She kneeled beside him.

"You are the most idiotic, self-destructive..."  
>"Cuddy..."<p>

She started removing the retractors.

"No...No, stop it!"

"House, you are gonna die in this damn tub if I don't..."

"_Stop it! No!_"

Pain. Pain all over, numbing up his mind, soul, sight and every inch of his skin. Pain was like amniotic fluid, it was the air he breathed, he was tangled in pain and he had once longed for freedom. But now it was all gone. Pain was his companion, the only thing he could feel, the only thing filling the black hole inside of him.

He released one last shrieking howl.

– –

"House."

_What. Now._

"House..."

He woke up to Wilson bending over to him.

"Are you okay?"

House threw a glance at the room. His living room, his things. His books. The dust and the smell of... solitude.

_What the hell is going on._

House sat up. His palms met the leathered surface of his beat-up couch.

"What is it?"

Wilson lowered his stare, then looked back at him, releasing a long breath.

_What. The. Hell._

"Wilson, are you gonna tell me..."

"Cuddy's going into surgery."

_Damn. Damn big time._

Wilson went for the chair and grabbed House's jacket. He turned to him, holding it with both hands, as if he was about to choke his concern for her by squeezing House's motorbike outfit.

"She sent me here to check on you. See if you were..."

"...High?"

"House..."

House stood up. He took hold of the cane and finally got upright.

"I'm fine. I came here to drown myself in Vicodin."

_Wilson's alarmed look. Not now, please._

"Have you taken any?"

"No. Well... Yes, but..."

"House, for the sake of..."

"My sink has. I took it. Then I... Well, it's gross anyway."

House pulled the jacket from Wilson's hands.

"She's never gonna forgive me if I don't say goodbye before she goes in."

"She'd be right. You've been an idiot."  
>House was already grabbing the door handle. He turned to Wilson.<p>

"I know."

He knew. And he was clean. Because in the end he did not want to go there again. Or keep it from her. Or tell her and push her away.

– –

"I knew you would come."

Her lips turned tiredly upwards.

House took her hand in his as the nurses wheeled her through the corridor. They stopped at the OR doors. He bent over and their lips met. She placed her open palm on his cheek, and he could feel the coldness in her skin.

"Cuddy."

"Yes?"

"Don't be scared."

"I'm not."

"You're a liar."

She exhaled and closed her eyes. He knew where she was headed.

"You got me." She stared up at him, her expression had never been so serious.

"What about you?" She whispered.

"Me?"

This time he knew the answer. Neat, clean, pristine. He lowered his eyes to meet hers and he froze there for a second. Then he could finally speak the truth to her.

"Holding on. _On my own_."  
>Cuddy's eyes filled with tears. She knew he was fine the exact moment he had pierced her with his sapphire stare.<p>

House watched her disappear behind the OR automatic doors.


End file.
